AT: My Fair Evil

Adventure Time Presents: My Fair Evil

(A dark and stormy night, lightning bolts ran down as Finn The Human and Jake the Dog walked to the entrance of an enormous castle nested on the edge of a cryptic cliff. Finn draws his demonblood sword when he looked back at his furry brother)

Finn:  You up for this Jake?

Jake:  yeah! If this evil sorceress managed to kidnapped a prince, she has to be powerful! Cuz princes are manly and ladies are..well, delicate.

(the two walked to the pathway as they continue talking)

Finn:  she must have used a brainwashing spell or something to persuade a prince to go with her. We have to be prepared.

Jake:  way ahead of you! (Jake slowly formed a hard helmet over his head)

Finn:  um, I said magic, Jake.

Jake:  oh, wait (Jake makes the word "Anti-magic" appear as an etch on his hard helmet head)

Finn:  perfect! (thumbsup)

(Just then, a scream!  A scream from inside the castle. The boys hurried in as they kicked the rotting door down and ran up a spiral stairs. The brushed off the cobwebs and flicked off a spider, but when they got to the top, they were too late. The prince, with a purple wavy hair, lay limp on a coiled cloak of a sinister black-clothed lady. The sorceress spotted them and lay out a hiss as she transformed into a dragon)

Sorceress:  YOU DARE INTERUPT MY PRIVATE MOMENT, YOU HOOLIGANS?

Finn:  Us the Hooligans? YOU'RE THE HOOLIGAN LADY! AARRGHH!!

(Finn jumps at the Dragon lady as Jake lay out a cheerful woot! Finn's sword cuts the dragon's cheek open, flinching the creature as she hiss back at the pain.

Finn landed and slid to the side, sword still drawn in preparation for another attack, but the dragon just rubbed her wounded cheek. She looked back at them with much woe as a victim, she slowly transform back into her normal form and weakly pleaded back)

Sorceress:  are you..are you really going to harm me for the prince?

Finn:  uh...yeah? (confused face) You kidnapped him? We fight you cuz you did a crime? And possibly kill you in case you try to roast us with your evil fire breath?

Sorceress:  oh...I don't want to die yet...

(With a weak sigh, her cloak uncoils and dropped the prince at Jake's stretched and grown arms. The sorceress just inches back at the corner as Finn walked back to his brother without leaving as much as a glaze.)

Finn:  uh, jake, that was too easy...

Jake:  I know dude, but I can tell ladies when they're sincere. And I can tell (eyebrows rises in an assuring manner)

Finn:  still, I'll bring the prince back to his kingdom; You stay here and keep an eye on her.

Jake:  what?! What if she suddenly turns into a tentacle freak and had her way with me?!

Finn:  Don't worry buddy, if she's as weak as she made herself moments ago, then you can just easily grind her! (Pounds his fists together)

Jake:  alright, but if she killed me, I'll haunt you til you loose your lunch!

Finn:  deal man!

(The two boys pound their fists together in trust and part ways.

Finn safely made out of the castle and began walking to the woods; by then the prince woke up and looks around and sees he's being carried by the human boy)

Prince:  are you the one who rescued me?

Finn:  Yes I am your highness!

Prince:  I am grateful. My name is Prince Pancy!

Finn:  Prince what now-

Prince Pancy:  (Began talking in a Mid-Atlantic accent) oh~! That castle was dreadful! Had you seen the way that sorceress held her castle's conditions, I mean cobwebs and spiders are so last season!

Finn:  (eyes widen as he realized he may had made a mistake doing this alone)

(meanwhile, at the castle. Both the sorceress and Jake is just sitting at the opposite side of the same room, staring at one another)

Sorceress: um..Dog, why do not leave yet?

Jake:  Because, I'm making sure you don't go after my friend as a dragon and go rip his head off!

Sorceress:  (just stares at him without a single clue of what he meant)

Jake: which is what dragons normally do.

Sorceress: (still has no clue)

Jake: you know for a villainess, you're not very good at it.

Sorceress: I'm not villainess.

Jake: then why'd you kidnapped that prince?

Sorceress: Oh I found him passed out after freaking when his boots got dirty. I was just tending to him.

Jake: I don't know. It could be a lie...

Sorceress:  of course...

Jake: Definitely!

(a pass of awkward silence, but the two began talking again)

Jake: so... do you have any minions I could fight? I mean...

Sorceress: I don't have any either. But I do sure mind one, it gets lonely here...

Jake: so, you're saying you're not evil?

Sorceress: yes!

Jake: and yer just lonely?

Sorceress: (nods her head) uh-huh, yes I am.

Jake: then that means I could go home now, right?

Sorceress: if you wish...(sigh)

Jake:  (giving a sad yet concerned face at her) um..You know (averts his eyes) I could end up getting my guts ripped off by you if you tricked me, but seeing you like this. I could..if you are telling the truth...help you out with yer social life.

Sorceress: You would do that for me?!

Jake: SOLONGYOUDON'TKILLME!

Sorceress: (gleams up and gave Jake a hug. A tight hug) OHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! YOU'RE THE FIRST TO APPROACH ME WITH SUCH KINDNESS!

Jake: (chokes on the hug)

(cuts to Finn and Prince Pancy)

(Prince Pancy is now walking on foot following Finn, but he seem to be exhausted from the travel)

Prince Pancy: oh, My aching feet. How long have we've been walking?

Finn: (with an annoyed look on his face) ugh, twenty feet yer highness.

Prince Pancy: carry me again, human boy!

Finn: WHAT?! I'M NO HORSE!

Prince Pancy: do it and there's gonna be a large sum of gold for you!

Finn: gold that's it?

Prince Pancy: ten sacks of meat loaf!

Finn: you're not bribing me with meat loaf

Prince Pancy: DO IT OUT OF A ROYAL DUTY, HERO!

(cuts to Pancy riding Finn's back, much to the hero's disgress)

Prince Pancy: if you do mind, please be careful! My boots are stained enough, I don't want to harm them further!

(Jake leads the sorceress to the forest who is gleeful about the turn of events for her)

Jake: hey, lady! Do they call you anything?

Sorceress: people normally yell witch everytime I walk by. Should I go by that?

Jake: What?! You don't even have a name?! Well, Don't you worry, I'll think of something. I think I'll call you...SCOTT!NO!LIDDELL!NO! WAIT that ain't right...hurm...OH! I'll call you, MANDY!

Allistar: Mandy...I like that. But I was thinking...Allistar.

Jake: Good, for that name be not trademarked!- whoa! Socialites at twelve-o-clock!
(Ahead of them are three wood nymphs chattering in a group)

Jake: here's your first step! Be calm and go forward. Introduce yourself! Which is easy now that you have a name!

Allistar: um...(looks back at Jake with a nervous stance)

Jake: just! Smile! (shows her a wide, outstretched grin)
Allistar: um...okay

(Allistar approached the wood nymphs with a smile as big as she can make it. The nymphs felt her approach and took a single glance at her. From their angle, they saw a evil grinning witch, face obscured by the shadows. They scream in fear, with two of them running back into the woods, and one explodes to flames for no reason.

Both Jake and Allistar looked at the results with a shocked impression)

Jake: uh...maybe that's too much of a smile...

(cuts to them sitting on a rock at the grass fields. Jake is looking through a pair of binoculars, looking for some people to socialize with)

Allistar: Sigh* it's no use Jake, People are afraid of me. I'm just naturally scary.

Jake: no, Scare Princess is Naturally Scary. (puts his Binoculars back into his pouch that came from his belly) What you need is some good wardrobe! Now I don't have any girl clothes, but I do know where we could get some for free!

The graveyard!

(shifts to Jake sitting on top of a tombstone with a shovel resting on his shoulder, apparently waiting for something. Allistar then calls back from behind him.)

Alistar: okay! I'm ready! (Allistar is now wearing a pinkish Victorian outfit, still fresh from the dig)

I feel awkward, Jake.

Jake: none sense! You looked great! Told you that the graveyard was a perfect spot for clothes spotting! Now come on! I think I spotted some Fuzzy friends around the back!

(when they left, a random ghost popped out from the grave they robbed)

Ghost: hey! I'm naked!

Allistar: now what, Jake?

Jake: Now, I'll teach you of the single most important thing one should know! Have fun!

Allistar: Oh! I know fun! I count the cracks on my castle, makes list of the changes of the weather patterns, write plans for tomorrow's-

Jake: uh, not those kind of fun. Think outside the box! (shapeshifts his head into a box with two human hands  suddenly sprouting out of the sides, pointing up)

Allistar: outside?

Jake: exactly! Some outdoor sports. Some fresh air! Some sunlight!

Allistar: but it's night!

Jake: that's why we improvise, baby!

Allistar: (giggles) you sure know a lot, Jake.

Jake: so I've been told! I wonder how Finn's doing with the prince?

(Finn the Human is now crawling on his belly as the prince rested his feet over his head)
Prince Pancy: if you don't mind stopping here, I would like to stretch out, My back's curled up from sitting on my ride!

Finn: (glares at him with fury) of course...why not...yer highness ...ugh, wonder how's Jake's doing? Bet he's really having a hard time on this job, too...

(Jake is now seen playing with the fuzzy friends as a catapult hurling them into a bed made up by the same fuzzy people. Allistar sat on a middle of a clump of fuzzies, waiting for her turn.

One of them approached her)

Fuzzy friend: your turn, friend!

Allistar: um..I don't know...

Jake: don't worry! They're naturally soft! They can handle it!

Allistar: um...okay...

(Allistar sat on the catapult end of Jake and got herself hurled into the "fuzzy bed". But when she landed, the impact was strong enough to crush one of them.)

Allistar: OH MY GOODNESS! ARE YOU OKAY?

Crushed Fuzzy: (all...crushed up) uh, yeah, never better! (cough)

(Allistar looks at him with woe)

Jake: whoa dude, you okay?

Allistar: NO HE'S NOT! I JUST CRUSHED HIS TINY LITTLE BODY WITH MY BUTT! HOW IS THAT GONNA BE OKAY?!

Jake: Take it easy, Al! It's just an accident!

Allistar: an accident...r-right. Jake, I'm not so sure about all this. I'm beginning to think I may have a good reason on shutting in.

Jake: Not with that attitude! Look, I taught you to be aggressive, to look good and have fun. So far two of those had drawbacks-

(naked ghost suddenly looms by them)

(Male) Naked ghost: I WANT THAT DRESS BACK WHEN YOUR DONE!

Jake: okay, all of them had drawbacks now, but I'm not giving up!  Right now, Allistar, I'm gonna teach you to look at the bright side! Everything had a bright side! Even death!

Allistar and the fuzzy friends:  WHAT?!

Jake:  -of villains! Death of villains! Let me finish you guys!

Allistar and the fuzzy friends: oh...right right, we knew that!

(Allistar and Jake are now back in the forest.)

Allistar: what are we doing back here, Jake? I thought you don't want to give up on me?

Jake: exactly, I just wanted to show you something. (scurrying from bush to bush)
Allistar: something?

Jake: I'm sure they're around here someplace- AHA! (opens a bush and waved Allistar to come)

Allistar: (walks next to jake and peeped through the bush. They saw Finn, Now giving Prince Pancy a piggyback ride)

Finn: (not knowing Jake and Allistar's watching him, he dropped on his knees, sweating) Pancy, I'm not doing this!

Pancy: but what of the promises I've made of gold and treasures and girls and such?

Finn: Dude, I'm thirteen, and I can find my own gold!

Pancy: what if I told them you can't carry even a wimpy prince like me? How's that for your pride, hero?

Finn: (flustered and annoyed, but he gave in mumbling to himself)

Jake: (closes bush) see? The bright side of this, is that you didn't end up with that jerk!

Allistar: (eyes widen in an epiphany) y-you're right! I could have been the one going through that!

Jake: that's right!

Allistar: I could have made a big mistake taking that guy in as company!

Jake: uh-huh!

Allistar: I AM THE MASTER OF MY OWN DESTINY! I HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE!

Jake: RIGHT!

Allistar: I'M GONNA SHOW THAT GUY NOT TO PICK ON THRITEEN YEAR OLD BOYS AND MAKE THEM SWEAT FOR THEM!

Jake: uh, what?

Allistar; I'M GONNA BEAT THE GUTS OUT OF HIM!

Jake: ALLISTAR! NO!

(Allistar lunges at Prince Pancy and tackled him down on the ground. Her hands flares up with green flame and was about to torch him when Jake stopped him)

Jake: ALLISTAR WAIT! I'VE FORGOT TO TELL YOU ANOTHER IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON!

Allistar: (flames die) what? What is it?

Jake: (slaps her on the face) DON'T OVER-DO IT!

Allistar: (gives Jake a duck face) but you told me to control my life and be aggressive! My heart is on the right place on that one!

Jake: That's very noble, but killing a prince wouldn't meant the same, girl!

Allistar: oh. Sorry.

Jake: it's okay. Yer learning.

(both glances at the condition of the prince, he's curled up shivering crying out for his mother)

Jake: yeesh, what a pansy.

Finn: (groans as he approached them) oh, Jake? Is that you?

Jake: (check up on Finn's condition and he's shocked on what happened to him) Yikes, bro, what happened to you?!

Finn: (gives out a shamed face) I don't want to talk about it... (glances around and noticed Allistar again) hey, aren't you the evil sorceress we fought?

Allistar: yes?

Jake: She's good, man! I think I talked some good sense into her!

Finn: Dude, if she was the one who kicked that pansy off me, then I'm grateful!
Allistar: oh, thank you! (warm smile)

Jake: See, Allistar! Good things do come to assertive people!...Nice assertive people!...Don't over-do it, okay?

Allistar: (giggle)okay, Jake, I get it! Thank you (pats Jake's head) And so sorry for not helping you out in time, human boy.

Finn: no worries, sorceress.

Jake: "Alliastar" dude.

Finn: oh, Allistar! (gives a buddy-point at her)

Allistar: thank you. Now, I'm off to my new life! Til' we meet again, heroes! (electricity surges and covers her until she disappears in an explosion of light.)

Jake: (silence for a while then looks at Finn and asked) No really, what happened, dude?
Finn: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

(The End)